Bob Weir-by Dunkterfunk

September 5, 2008 at 3:20 pm | Posted in Arts & Entertainment, Concert Reviews, People | 7 Comments
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Bob Weir needs to hang it the fuck up! I know I will be assaulted with phatty burritos and grilled cheeses from dreaded trustafarians who have probably never even seen a Grateful Dead show, but I have to be honest.

I recently saw Bob Weir and Rat Dog open for the Allman Brothers show at Red Rocks. First off, let me submit that Bob Weir Might actually be the Gorton’s Fisherman. Exhibit A:

Second, he rocked the stage in the shortest shorts this side of the Village People. Exhibit B:

Sorry, I know that was unnecessary, but so where Bobby’s shorts.

But most importantly, Bob Weir’s performance was like being behind the senior citizen at the grocery store who stubbornly refuses to give up the outdated practice of writing checks. Bob Weir played every slow Grateful Dead song that he ever wrote, except that he played it twice as slow as it was originally intended. I swear to God, he played Lost Sailor and Looks like Rain so slow that it literally took 40 minutes just to get through them. I was this close to chopping my nuts off and throwing them at the stage just to add a little excitement to the show.

He also employed that bullshit crutch that all “beyond their prime” rockers employ when they can’t sing the notes they used to. He would kind of speak/rap the lyrics so that all emotion the song once had was flushed down the shitter (along with Bobby’s self-respect).

And to round it all out he did this for TWO FUCKING HOURS!!!!!!!!!! Two hours for an opening act which sucked monkey balls.

When we finally got through the snooze fest and started rocking to the Allman Brothers, HE COMES OUT ONE MORE TIME TO CONTINUE HIS TORTURE UPON US!!!! It would be funny if it weren’t so sad to see Weir attempt to play a solo on the same stage with Derek Trucks and Warren Haynes. Derek jams a face melting solo into Bobby plinking through what sounds like a drunk invalid trying to play a ukulele.

Retire Bobby. You suck!

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The Fucking RNC- by Dunkterfunk

September 4, 2008 at 4:41 pm | Posted in People, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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I fucking hate the Republican Party of today.

First off, I find it interesting that their slogan is “America First”. They seem to imply that we need to move beyond politics and come together to solve America’s problems. I completely agree with this. However, It is hard to take seriously when almost every speech given is partisan. Lieberman gives this speech where he invokes Washington’s warnings about political parties and partisanship right after Fred Thompson spent 25 minutes referring to “the other side” is derogatory terms.

Apparently the Republican Party this year has forgotten the meaning of the word “irony”. They mock the term “change” and claim Obama is using it as a political tool, then they go and nominate Palin as a political tool and co-opt the “change” message for themselves. How do they represent change when they both agree with pretty much everything Bush has done? Palin even more so than McCain. At least McCain believes in stem cell research and evolution.

The Republican Party has made such an issue out of Obama’s relative lack of experience and then they go and nominate Palin who is far less experienced than Obama to be next in line behind a 72 year old who has had 4 bouts with cancer. I guess inexperience only matters if you are on “the other side”.

Last night Giuliani comes out and has the gall to call the Dems the party of Big Brother. Wasn’t it the republicans who trampled on the Constitution and allowed our government to spy on its own citizens without warrants? Isn’t it the Republicans who tried to force libraries to give them lists of people and what books they check out? Wasn’t it the Republicans who forced the telecom companies to hand over phone records of U.S. citizens? I am going to send Rudy a dictionary with “irony” highlighted.

The Huckabee comes out and says, “”Maybe the most dangerous threat of an Obama presidency is that he would continue to give madmen the benefit of the doubt. If he’s wrong just once, we will pay a heavy price.”  I would like him to qualify that statement. Has Obama not made it perfectly clear he would aggressively hunt terrorists? If he is referring to Saddam, i think it is abundantly clear that invading that country has trained a whole new generation of jihadists, who may not have hit us yet, but will. Just as the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan trained a whole generation who would hit us 11 years later.

But this really was what the convention was all about. It was a worn out page from Karl Rove’s playbook. Scare Americans. Make them believe that voting for a democrat if going to bring ruin and destruction upon us all. I heard absolutely no substance on what they would actually do (which by the way is what they slam Obama for). All I heard was the same thing Bush has been doing for 8 years and they claim to be about change. They basically talked about the same old trickle down theory. Well guess what? 8 years of trickle down hasn’t worked. We have had modest growth in the economy but wages have remained flat. From what I have read, the same thing happened in the 80’s when Reagan tried it. They also talked about a hands off approach to business. Well look what happend in the mortgage market when you leave companies completely to regulate themselves.

They talked about “winning” the war in Iraq when at the same time the Iraqi government is saying they want us out. They are a party who shits all over our American values by saying, for the first time in our history, that it is okay to invade a sovereign nation because they may at some point in the future be a threat to you.

The only change I see mentioned is brushing off partisan politics, but they say this out one side of the mouth while saying out the other side that the Dems will bring ruin upon America.

And Americans are generally afraid so this will work again as it did in 2004. It will be a close race where enough people are scared to try something new and go with the same strategy of giving everything to the top tier and hope they will be generous enough to let it trickle down to the rest of us in the form of good wages and health-care instead of keeping it in bonuses and stockholder dividends. We will continue to take an aggressive stance with our friends and rule through intimidation and fear and create ever more enemies around the world. We will continue to see people die of treatable diseases because Republican ideology  assumes if you don’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps then you deserve to die. We will continue to have an America where it is okay to discriminate against gays and Muslims.  And hopefully McCain won’t lose his temper and get us involved in yet another war.

About Sarah Palin – From an Alaska native

September 4, 2008 at 3:52 pm | Posted in People | Leave a comment
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Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin

This is from a Bryn Mawr college grad to her fellow alums
Dear classmates –

As an Alaskan, I am writing to give all of you some information on Sarah Palin, Senator McCain’s choice for VP. As an Alaska voter, I know more than most of you about her and, frankly, I am horrified that he picked her.

The most accurate description of her is red neck. Her husband works in the oil fields of Prudhoe Bay and races snow mobiles. She is a life time member of the NRA and has worked tirelessly to allow indiscriminate hunting of wildlife in Alaska , particularly wolves and bears. She has spent millions of Alaska state dollars on aerial
hunting of these predators from helicopters and airplanes, dollars
that should have been spent, for example, on Alaska ‘s failing school
system.We have the lowest rate of high school graduation in the
country. Not all of you may think aerial predator hunting is so bad,
but how anyone (other than Alaska wolf-haters, of which there are
many, most without teeth), could think this use of funds is
appropriate is beyond me. If you want to know more about the aerial
hunting travesty, let me know and I will send some links to
informative web sites.

She has been a strong supporter of increased use of fossil fuels, yet
the McCain campaign has the nerve to say she has ‘green’ policies. The
only thing green about Sarah Palin is her lack of experience. She has
consistently supported drilling in ANWR, use of coal-burning power
plants (as I write this, a new coal plant is being built in her home
town of Wasilla ), strip mining, and almost anything else that will
unnecessarily exploit the diminishing resources of Alaska and destroy
its environment.

Prior to her one year as governor of Alaska , she was mayor of Wasilla,
a small red neck town outside Anchorage.The average maximum education
level of parents of junior high school kids in Wasilla is 10th grade.
Unfortunately, I have to go to Wasilla every week to get groceries and
other supplies, so I have continual contact with the people who put
Palin in office in the first place. I know what I’m talking about.
These people don’t have a concept of the world around them or of the
serious issues facing the US . Furthermore, they don’t care. So long as
they can go out and hunt their moose every fall, kill wolves and bears
and drive their snow mobiles and ATVs through every corner of the
0A
wilderness, they’re happy. I wish I were exaggerating.

Sarah Palin is currently involved in a political corruption scandal.
She fired an individual in law enforcement here because she didn’t
like how he treated one of her relatives during a divorce. The man’s
performance and ability weren’t considered; it was a totally personal
firing and is currently under investigation. While the issue isn’t
close to the scandal of Ted Steven’s corruption, it shows that Palin
isn’t ‘squeaky clean’ and causes me to think there may be more issues
that could come to light. Clearly McCain doesn’t care.

When you line Palin up with Biden, the comparison would be laughable
if it weren’t so serious. Sarah Palin knows nothing of economics
(admittedly a weak area for McCain), or of international affairs,
knows nothing of national government, Social Security, unemployment,
health care systems – you name it. The idea of her meeting with heads
of foreign governments around the world truly frightens me.

In an increasingly dangerous world, with the economy in shambles in
the US , Sarah Palin is uniquely UNqualified to be vice president. John
McCain is not a young man. Should something happen to him such that
the vice president had to step in, it would destroy our country and
possibly the world to have someone as inexperienced and inappropriate
as Sarah Palin. The choice of Palin is a cheap shot by McCain to try
to get Hillary supporters to vote for him. when McCain introduced her
today, Palin had the nerve to compare herself with Hillary and
Geraldine Ferraro. Sarah Palin, you are no Hillary Clinton.

To those of you who, like me, supported Hillary and were upset that she
did not get the nomination, please don’t think that Sarah Palin is a
worthy substitute. If you supported Hillary, regardless of what you
think the media and the democratic party may have done to undermine
her campaign, the person to support now is Obama, not Sarah Palin. To
those of you who are independent or undecided, don’t let the choice of
Palin sway you in favor of McCain. Choosing her shows how unqualified
McCain is to be president. To those of you who are conservative, I
guess you have no choice for president. But please try to see how the
poor choice of Palin tells us a great deal about McCain’s judgment.
While the political posturing inherent in the choice of Palin is
obvious, the more serious issue is the fact that the VP is, literally,
a heartbeat away from the presidency. Sarah Palin is totally and
unequivocally unqualified to be vice president, let alone president.

I know this is a lengthy and emotional email, but the stakes are high.
I thought it might help for all of you, regardless of political
affiliation, to know something about Palin from someone who has to
live with her administration in Alaska on a daily basis.

Here’s some basic background from MoveOn.org:
She was elected Alaska ‘s governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage.1
Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.2
She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000. 3
Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.4
She’s doesn’t think humans are the cause of climate change.5
She’s solidly in line with John McCain’s ‘Big Oil first’ energy policy. She’s pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won’t be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species‒she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.6
Here’s a sample of Alaskan’s responses:
She is really just a mayor from a small town outside Anchorage who has been a governor for only 1.5 years, and has ZERO national and international experience. I shudder to think that she could be the person taking that 3AM call on the White House hotline, and the one who could potentially be charged with leading the US in the volatile international scene that exists today. ‒Rose M., Fairbanks , AK
She is VERY, VERY conservative, and far from perfect. She’s a hunter and fisherwoman, but votes against the environment again and again. She ran on ethics reform, but is currently under investigation for several charges involving hiring and firing of state officials. She has NO experience beyond Alaska . ‒Christine B., Denali Park , AK
As an Alaskan and a feminist, I am beyond words at this announcement. Palin is not a feminist, and she is not the reformer she claims to be. ‒Karen L., Anchorage , AK
Alaskans, collectively, are just as stunned as the rest of the nation. She is doing well running our State, but is totally inexperienced on the national level, and very much unequip ped to run the nation, if it came to that. She is as far right as one can get, which has already been communicated on the news. In our office of thirty employees (dems, republicans, and nonpartisans), not one person feels she is ready for the V.P. position.‒Sherry C., Anchorage , AK
She’s vehemently anti-choice and doesn’t care about protecting our natural resources, even though she has worked as a fisherman. McCain chose her to pick up the Hillary voters, but Palin is no Hillary. ‒Marina L., Juneau , AK
I think she’s far too inexperienced to be in this position. I’m all for a woman in the White House, but not one who hasn’t done anything to deserve it. There are far many other women who have worked their way up and have much more experience that would have been better choices. This is a patronizing decision on John McCain’s part- and insulting to females everywh ere that he would assume he’ll get our vote by putting ‘A Woman’ in that position.‒Jennifer M., Anchorage, AK

Environment Colorado, Greenpeace, and Anyone Else With a Fucking Clipboard

May 21, 2008 at 5:22 pm | Posted in People | 1 Comment
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FuckersAs you can probably gather by now, I live in Boulder, Colorado.  Aside from being a beautiful place to live with a million things to do, we also have an outdoor pedestrian mall known as Pearl Street.  This is also where I happen to work, so I find myself out meandering on the mall during lunch. Today, Jonny Ringo and I were walking up to Chipoltle to grab a burrito, when we noticed that the enemy was upon us.

The summer in Boulder on the Pearl Street Mall is always accompanied by clipboard toting Greenpeace and Environment Colorado employees.  When you’re out trying to take a break from work, they ask you stupid fucking questions like “Do you care about our environment?” or “Do you have 30 seconds to save the earth?”.  No assholes, I don’t.  I’m on my fucking lunch break, and you’ve asked me the same question for the past 19 days straight.

Today, I told one of the chicks that I didn’t have the time to talk to her, as I was on break, and she asked if she could walk with me and Ringo.  Way to put me in an awkward situation, bitch.  You’ve already asked me your rhetorical question that makes me look like I don’t give a shit about the environment, and now you have the nerve to force me to be an asshole on top of it, by telling you that I don’t want you anywhere around me?

The City of Boulder has a law preventing panhandling on the mall. This really makes me wonder how these people are allowed to do what they are doing, considering that they need permission from the city to be out there doing this.  How the hell is what they are doing any different than a bum asking for change so that he can get a bite to eat?

Bill O’Reilly

May 5, 2008 at 9:28 am | Posted in People | 1 Comment
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The guy above…yeah that guy…he is a dick. Not just a small adolescent dick, but a raging, throbbing-purple-veins-exposed dick. If you watch him regularly then you are probably a dick too. Either that or you have no soul. Dick (I am just going to start calling him that for the rest of this commentary) has no soul either. Dick’s contribution to society: Scaring the crap out of simple Americans and contributing directly to the downfall of U.S media. Did I mentioned he was a dick? How did dick become a dick? Let’s see…shit-for-brains was born in New York City, went to a private Catholic high school where he was probably molested with a yard stick and then Marist College where he was a punter on the National Club Football Association. A punter! After dick graduated he played semi-pro baseball but failed a tryout for the New York Mets. He then attended Boston University and graduated with a master’s in broadcast journalism. So how did he become a dick? Well during this entire time he probably never got laid and had to drug women and men to sleep with him. He also probably developed a sense of disillusionment that he was better than everyone else and that people care about what he thought. Turns out a lot of Americans do care what he thinks. Turns out that 2.58 million people tune in nightly. Fucking morons. Yes, you heard me. If you watch him you are a fucking moron!

Turns out dick gets paid $9 million a year to do this:

Watch him slam the son of a 9/11 victim:

Now watch Phil Donahue kick Dick’s ass on his own show:

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